Sweet to tongue and sound to eye...

dainty_n_damned @ 2008-02-01T22:09:00

2008-02-02T03:10:39Z

Valentine Chocolate for everyone!

Mom, I love you, but go away. Really far away.

2008-01-29T03:24:42Z

I wonder if love for parents is an obligation for me. Especially with my mother. I can recall several moments where I found her character to be unbearable. Ever since a few years ago, I've been encountering her with a third person in mind. An intangible, other worldly me that follows me around everywhere and evaluates my encounters. Each with as little vanity and bias as possible.

I should keep a detailed entry of that for future reference. Curse my shallow and short memory.

I'm sick of my 'home'

2008-01-29T02:39:38Z

I want to live for the sake of living. I want to live a life of my own.

I feel like I'm stuck in a trash heap. Renovations have been completed in my house, I've organized everything to what I can, and I still live in a place of ill-matched convenience. I have no privacy and no say.

Hold on. Just more day. Take the next step and fight back. Do I have the right to make these selfish demands if I can't even motivate myself to try and change? What steps must I do to lay my foundation?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few things that peaked my interest:
- Akavar 20/50 (not so much as I want to try, but because of the so called 'revolution' in diet pills - I'm going to check up on this a few months from now and see how many ppl got sick beause of this)
- go-natural (i think i saw this at a women's show and tried it out...it worked conveniently well)

in contrast of what?

2008-01-29T02:18:35Z

I will get my results for my evaluations and testing on the last day of January. The past few days of testing, the doctor praised my thinking and even siad she was excited for me. I believe she's exaggarating too much. I ponder just how many high school graduates she tests. They are all not part of 'the norm', because they're going to see the same doctor. So out of those being evaluated by the doctor, the very same doctor who is praising me, shouldn't really...should she?

I'm an Introvert

2007-12-16T03:49:22Z

I'm starting so see why people behave the way the do around me. They're always cautious, nurturing and giving advice when I didn't ask for it. For the longest time, I thought there was something weird with me that made them like that. And yah, I definately was the cause.

So here's a little something that I hope will clear a few things:
I'm an introvert. Don't know what that is? Look it up. But in short, I am a person completely content by my self and my lonesome. I'd rather be reading a book, or writing, or even daydreaming. I don't do them because I'm lonely or anti-social or even lazy, I do them because that's me and I like it. Introverts tend to do solitary activities like that, you know. Introverts on a social level are not lonely. I think people mislabel me as a loner, geek, or nerd simply because they don't see me with people. I see people and their groups and I instantly recognise their social pattern - which, most of the time, does not interest me. Just because you don't see me socializing, does not mean I'm not anti-social. I talk and mingle when I want to, and sometimes, I admit, being at a party exhaust me. I don't like small talk, but I give an effort just for the sake of getting to know a person. I perfer conversations that have more depth...but at the moment, I don't think I am very intelligent to know what is depth, so I'm intimidated and then feel red and stupid...

Enough.

---

Renovation at my house is slow. Dust is everywhere and it's as thick as a smog. I've been invading my god-sister's house for the past couple of days to get my work done. I'm so behind, but for some reason I'm able to do more work there in a day, than anywhere in a week. I wish I can live there. Actaully, I wish I can live by myself. Damn you, empty pocket book. Should I find a million dollars under my tree, I - oh wait, I don't have a Christmas tree.

Macbook help

2007-09-22T16:49:11Z

I've been crunching some numbers of senerios and possible future paths. I came to an obvious conclusion that a jobless 18-year old cannot afford it.
So I need some help.

Don't worry, it's not a scam, and I'm not asking you to pay anything either. My request: please help me to get a laptop (by clicking below and signing up - just input your email or something).

http://laptops.freepay.com/?r=40316287

I'll be forever grateful because you saved me a lot of money that would've gone to this, rather than tuition and housing. Thanks.

dainty_n_damned @ 2007-09-01T13:00:00

2007-09-01T17:11:28Z

Finally. I'm back to my rusting home where the thrill of a new place finally leaves me. Osaka is too high-maintainance - so glad I'm out. I lost a bit of weight in Cambodia, I believe and hope. The evidence is in the pictures, but I gained them all back when I came home and during HK.

A letter came to me today. It was addressed to me. The writing was fimiliar with no return address. To my surprise and disappointment, the letter was from me four years ago. Ms. Shean back then told all grade nine's to write a letter to themselves of four years in the future. I guess everyone got there's now.

So here's a couple of things from myself four years past:
- I knew I would be in financial worry so I mailed myself 5 dollars
- My writing has improved...aesthetically anyways
- I wrote like a ditz, so I'm confident this was before my depression
- I can see where I began to have my unhealthy perfectionism/ambitious personality trait...all I talked about was goals and 'Pray.Until.Something.Happens. - P.U.S.H. Yourself!'
- I brainstormed what career choices I wanted to be and the list is exactly as the one I have this second. I'm back to where I started!! Meaning I've spent high school exploring the wrong field and have no info on any of the ones I really wanted.
- I drew a couple of stuff and glad to know I have improved.
- "At least you can drive now right?" read the last sentence. Haha.
- "Spend more time with friends." read the Post Script. How could I loose sight of that...?

Conclusion: I was a dillusioned freshman, but with good insights of the future. I lost my way and now I'm starting over. Am I happy? No. I'm not happy.

I LOVE OSAKA!

2007-08-06T08:38:50Z

Why i love Osaka? Why do i lurve Japan?
It is clean, organized, stylish and respectful.
Everyone is classy and pretty. Everything is beautiful, useful and necessary - a department store called loft has an entire floor dedicated to stationary and philip said using the word 'fetish' to describe my lurve for japanese print is wrong. He told me what it means and....yes, it is a bit off...

I want a kimono! They're so purrrrtieee - but I have convinced myself to budget my allowance so that I can buy clothes and gifts. *sigh* =(

Wishing you all were here.

Anyways, we're out for dinner again...l8r!

dainty_n_damned @ 2007-07-28T13:11:00

2007-07-28T17:04:53Z

Hello Hello Hello
I'm studying physics and researching geothermal energy at the library. Hope to see some fimiliar faces soon. miss u.

bitch

2007-06-17T00:03:47Z

Now, I got into a bad habit of detailing the tree for the pillar. So that's 3 hours down the drain doing something that's not even viewable to the naked eye. Crap.

When I finally started to paint the hair - omfgoodness - it turned out the wrong color. It was sooo disgusting! The red in my draft was NOTHING like the red on the pillar. I tried mixing. Yellow did not work. Orange did not work. Brown did not work. Burgandy did not work. Black did not work.

Until finally I blotched the entire hair piece out with white. Now, the pillar has no leaves, hair, and a chunk of the branches is missing.

Crap. Crap. Crap.

I'm so tired.

Yay!

2007-06-09T00:01:53Z

(NOT EDDITED ENTRY/POST)

Today was spendid.

I managed to speak with Mr. Hoffman, my philosophy teacher (great guy), about my current situation. I don't think I can pass this course, and even with my efforts, the time spent would be taken away from studying for my other courses. So he said he'll talk to my mom sometime this weekend. I have to talk to her first so that she won't feel...shocked. Nevertheless, I will try/attempt my best...I think. I want to. Hoffman was really patient and encouraging too...says I can make it. (Thank you, sir.)

Afterwards, while I was waiting for Mr. Crucco, Mr. Cubellus (sp? name right?) said he really likes my work. And I'm pretty certain he's not mixing me up with Michelle CHAN. He even asked me if I am to be a mentor next year. =) I can take a hint =). And then he kept joking saying how he'd like a piece of artwork in his office. =D And the mentoring thing? HECK YA! Just need one more signature...

Mr. Crucco came out with me to the pillar. What a guy! I thought he'd be too busy to be away from his desk! But he personally went with me! So then he said the lantern he wanted will be at the end of shepard's hook. He liked the idea that I wanted Daphne to hold the staff end.

Plenty of teachers and some classmates dropped by and talked to me about the pillar. Custodians included. Plenty of compliemnts. Mr. Rooney asked what's the meaning behind it. Oops. I said there was none yet. I didn't give a reason, just smiled shamefully. Another teacher said to read more about the myth of Daphne more. So I did.

I have a habit of putting down images and emotions onto a canvas first before I can put my reasoning into words. Feels a bit like cheating, I know. So after much editting of the first version, and repeating that process for the other versions, I think I finally and confidently put my concepts into words about the pillar.

I won't do it now. I gave too much away already.

I lost about an hour of working because I accidently knocked over the white paint. NOOOO! White paint is precious! Thanks a bunch for Olivia for helping me with her awesome-conservative-cleaning abilities! =D

Mike C. convinced me to go see Our Town.

After Olivia left, I was completely thirsty. I have been stressing how was I going to draw my figure's arm. Is it in porportion (sp?), is it too long, buff, or anorexic (sp?). Etc. So anyways, completely forgetting the vending machine was jammed, I shoved a toonie in. It took 2 custodians, 3 paperclips and 1 clothes-hanger to eject 2 loonies out from the slot. Thanks, guys! And then one of them offered me a refridgerated bottle of water for free! Yummy! Oh, and this was during the black-out. So that's also about 15 - 30 minutes in total.

Went out to eat dinner with my family (mum, dad, phil, and grandma). Came back and washed my pants since there was unpleasant white paint streaks on it. Oh sh---

I forgot I have 2 loonies and my pillar draft in my pocket. They're wet. But drying on a napkin...hopefully the words, measurement numbers and stuff can still be read.

And what made my day better? I just found another way I can get my pillar done faster with/without my partners! =D

And what made my day the most splendid of the week?
One of the custodians mentioned my brother, at first I was confused because how could he have known that I have one. Then he said he saw a guy before pointing at the pillar and say 'my sister's'. Awwww, Phil!!!!!

I won't embarass you, because I know you'll never read an entry this long.

and what start this was a good friend talking and treating me to basket robbins during c lunch. =D

BAMBI!!

2007-05-31T20:50:16Z

Oh my freakin' heavens!
Our lawn is like 1.7 acres. It's huge. In front of our house, we usually get bats because they like the big trees there. By our pool, a couple of ducks have made their nest. Squirrels and chipmunks are frequent visitors, but now...

THERE WAS A DEER! An actaul deer! Right out my window, on our rain-soaked lawn, an actaul DEER!

We saw it for only like 5 seconds before it got scared and pranced off, but OMG!!! How did it get here? There's a woodsy area close by, but it's so freakin' dangerous to get here! I wanted to take a picture...awww

OMG A DEER! IN OUR BACKYARD!

dainty_n_damned @ 2007-05-29T20:57:00

2007-05-30T01:02:37Z

Yo.

Someone reminded me I have a livejournal account. It's been a while. I don't get out of my own lil world often enough, but I did last weekend and this is what happened.

I volunteer for the Heart and Stroke Foundation and annually we have an appreciation gala for everyone who helped out during the year. This year, because our leader backed out, my friend and I was promoted as Captain of the Reception Team. =) Working on my leadership skills here and it's getting better. A few gliches here and there but the superiors said that this was the best year ever, we made mistakes, but we took initiative to fix it so no one really noticed. I don't think I'll be demoted, do you?

During break I took my team and a few operations ppl to McDonalds. (I didn't pay for anything btw) Along the way, a couple of guys in a red car honked at us. I guess it was because we were all in formal dress-code...and mine was rather riding low.

High heel for 5 hours kills.

Doing the pillar for 2007 graduates (YAY!) and since I'm staying back a semester or two, I might be doing the 2008 pillar. I hope so.

Let's see....

Heading to Japan and HK in August.

That's about it.

Love and Kisses to AMC for her journey to Germany!

dainty_n_damned @ 2007-05-05T23:16:00

2007-05-06T03:19:22Z

dainty_n_damned @ 2007-03-30T17:06:00

2007-03-30T21:09:51Z

My brother doesn't seen to know about this, seeing as he's always in his basement room. Coming back from my appointment, my aunt and I saw about 7 police cars parked outside of our neighbor's house. Two of which is an Emergency Response Vehicle and an ambulance. There were several policemen surrounding the house, hiding behind trees and signaling to one another.

When my aunt drove by after dropping me at my house, she phoned and said that the police had their guns drawn out and has entered the front door.

Prom 2007

2007-03-27T01:44:15Z

Ew! I'm so easily influenced and distracted. Not good character traits. Anyways.
If I didn't tell some of you before, my mother and I formed a deal. She wants me to go to prom. At that time, I didn't want to go. So, the deal is this: if I go, she'll find someone to make me a dress that I design!

So, of course, excited, I scribble some sketches. This weekend, while browsing for my brother's birthday present, I saw this:

behind the window of Laura Petites. I can't scan my sketches, but this dress is SO similiar to the one I had in mind. Discouraged is what I feel. And pissed.

But oh well, this is easily fixable.
Also, this might be nice for the prom too~:

I really like this piece. (It's pants btw) (it even fits the 007 theme)

Chelsea and Elizabeth says I'm best suited in a woman's suit. (cute) I mentally pictured an open chest with body jewels forming a tie. A cane would fit the image nicely. Yah. That is also a nice mental picutre. LOLz.

anyways, i guess i do want to go to prom and wanted to vent out my rantings in the journal. (I have to stop writing as if I'm addressing someone - I don't like it.) so YAY~! I'll go! Anyone want an after party? =P =D

I'm the only one...

2007-03-02T23:38:08Z

Waking up to the radio that said the authorities advises everyone to stay inside, some sort of rebellious adolent impulse triggered. Having no ride until 11:00 (I slept in), I packed up what is necessary for the last two periods. My mother drove me to school, but then she decided to drive back home to pick up my other books so I'll hand in my cpt. By the time I got to school...no one is here. The teachers even looked at me funny when I asked if i could sign in. Mr. Hoffman was playing guitar in the hallway with some other student. There was literally no one! Holy!

I waited for aout 15 minutes for my mom to make a round turn to pick me up.

I'm such a nerd.

Ah Sh!t

2007-02-28T01:42:27Z

I remember an article that studies "Love at First Sight". You fall in love or are attracted to the person because they remind you of someone dear to you. They either show characteristics in mannerisms, bahaviour, apperance, or whatever that unconciously remind you of someone close.

--

Anyways, my dad is going to check up on me soon because he wants me to finish registering for the staff training for the Markham Pools. I don't want to.

--

Just got several philosophy books from the library. I think this will be enough hard copies for my philosophies CPT part A. ON the way back from the library, however, I had to put up an effort not to moan because my mom mentioned - again - my eighteenth birthday and what I should do. I don't want a fuss. I don't want the hassle. I especially don't want a certain gathering of aquaintances near me. Right now, I don't even want to think about. The ideal thing that I can dream up right now is a weekend away from home. By myself. Or with a few best friends. Whichever, as long as I'm far away. That would be nice.

dainty_n_damned @ 2007-02-24T15:01:00

2007-02-24T20:07:56Z

It's been nearly a month. What actually got me typing again was my dad's new wireless keyboard and mouse. They make a soft clicky noise whenever you push the keys (I love that sound).

Now that I'm here, I don't know what to type. Anne Marie should be a having a marathon either today or next week. Either way I can't go. A lot of friends are going to their university interviews and come back telling us about a certain "blonde and bitchy" interviewer.

I need major help in Philosophy. If it wasn't for my stubborness and Mr. Hoffman's university talk, I most likely would've switched it over to another Religion course. But I just gotta suck it up, because I need this course to graduate. Damn the rules of a Catholic school. Oh well. Suck it up. Study hard. It's what I'm doin'.

Now back to English. Something to cheer me up.

I could've, should've done better

2007-01-23T16:24:05Z

"You would be so thin if you'd excercise like her
then you'd graduate in the body that you should
you could've done modelling
now you're old and fat and you lost your chance"

"You would be so smarter if you have study habits like that
I mean, look, they have no problem getting into university, I'll bet
Stop wasting money on tutors, you'll never get anywhere, anyway."

"You would be so much faster,
athletic,
better,
successful,
prettier..."

"You would be so much if only you did this sooner...."

"If only...."

"You should've...."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU?!..."

SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!

Nervous

2007-01-19T16:13:39Z

I don't have good study habits, period. I stayed up until 5 o'clock in the morning editting and fussing over if i should or shouldn't and if it's right or not over my Writer's Craft CPT. I had to sacrafice the time to study for the poetry test today to do it. No brainer that I failed. I handed my CPT afterwards, still feeling unsatisfied. Bless the Lord for Felix. No matter what he says or how little he says it, it's the words that always pull me back to reality and makes me feel better. Here's to you, Felix! MUAH! =)

Denial?

2007-01-17T17:40:20Z

People find me crazy when I say "I'm excited for exams...". I think I am in denial too. Don't get me wrong I feel anxious right now too, there's this unyeilding, unsettling sort of twitch in my stomach. But I suppose it's because I'm more of an indifferent, neutral kinda person. My brother can scare me by jumping off the stairs and plunging at me, and I wouldn't flinch. If you where a creepy, hallow's eve mask and in some sort of twisted sense of fate actaully scare me with it, not only will you go home successful, but you will end up with a broken nose 'cus I WILL punch you as a reflex for self-defence. =P So having said that I'm more of a calm person, having some sort of panic and trama excites me. Because I hardly feel anything else.

Neat, huh?

Snow Day

2007-01-15T13:46:16Z

The computer's mouse broke. The little arrow has been dead there on the center of the computer screen. I have been relying completely on the keyboard and realize people underestimate it's abilities. I've been learning new functions and trying to remember them through trial and error. I got to post this entry without the aid of a mouse. Interesting how I got here through 'tab' and 'enter'. This is how I think hackers are so good at what they do. Fast movements on keyboard without wasting a second to switch from mouse and back.

Anyways, it's a snow day. It's actually the first of anything real this winter. I often find myself looking out through my barred windows. Faintly, I hear the frozen rain, like whispers, dropping onto my porches. It's extremely beautiful. The ice glazed over everything so perfectly, it was like a second skin. I remembered the texture on the windows. Tainted. Glossy.

My aunt's car won't start. Buses are cancelled. The msn on my brother's computer keeps beeping in new people who also stayed home. I called the school...told them my brother and I isn't coming today. No excuses, they know. So I get to stay home and hopefully get my CPT done. At least another draft of it, because I decided to do something better and different at the last minute, something to tie my ideas together a bit more fluidly than before. I won't be able to get it done by tomorrow for sure. I had that poem to do (not satisfied, but it'll have to do), and to study for the test on Wednesday. The test is important, 'cus I have been paying too much attention on other stuff. Most likely I'll ask Ms. Ratchford to hand my CPT in later in the week. She says I am a special case (because I switched from Essay to Short Story much later on in time), so if I explain, I hope she'll understand.

Felix is so sweet! XD

Short Stories in Writer's Craft

2007-01-12T18:33:02Z

The first time I handed in my short story, I was so much in doubt I handed it in when I wasn't 100% satisified with it. When it was returned to me, a ninety-five was scribbled on the corner. Now, after a much overdue conference, Ms. Ratchford handed my recent work back to me. With a face so unreadable, at least for me, she said, "...you are a gifted writer." I mumbled a simple 'thank you', unsure how I'm suppose to react, and went to my next class. Her words reverberating in my mind still.

Affirmation Letter!

2007-01-10T18:21:22Z

I got an interview with OCAD!